Rat Meat Found In Popular Fast Food

An analysis of the quality of meat in sandwiches and wraps available at “Bite!” in the Los Santos business district has revealed that over 60% of what is supposed to be pork and chicken is actually rat meat.

Food scientists have conducted several studies into fast food sandwich chain “Bite!” after complaints suggested that the meat tasted strange and had a stringy, tough consistensy.


Rat 1

“Bite!” boasts fresh wraps, sandwiches, snacks and drinks. Their slogan, “Wrap it up, swallow it fresh”, suggests that their ingredients are of high quality. However, a disgruntled former employee at “Bite!” came to SA:AN with his story. Our journalist Melissa Sting spoke to Jonathan Daity outside Ammunation, for some reason.


Rat 2

“I was fired for stubbing out a cigarette on the counter after a long shift”, Jonathan explains.

“I worked there for three years making wraps and sandwiches. The boss is a real jerk, he would walk in with a gold watch shining in my face laughing about how much money it cost him. The guy loved watches and bracelets.”


Rat 3

Speaking of the business district, Jonathan made some interesting remarks.

“You’d think that this place would be all posh and rich, right? The people walk around in suits and talk on their phones about how busy they are with their careers. All the while we’re serving them foul smelling meat and watered down electrolyte sodas and calling it ‘fresh’. Seriously, you’re better off eating tissue paper than the crap we were selling.”


Rat 4

“The coffee place next to us was no better. I have some real juicy insider info on the quality of their so-called fine ground coffee beans. The lady who owns the place gets her preteen kids to make fake coffee beans out of cardboard and ground up brown crayons. I only know that because I’ve been banging her on weekends though.”

Melissa managed to track down “Bite!” manager Fast Richman (yes, that is his real legal name).


Rat 5

“He’s a f*** liar. I’m going to sue his ass so hard he’ll be on the streets begging for change. Nobody crosses me. I have the best lawyer in LS and I am not afraid to use him”, Fast told us just before hastily leaving in a chauffeur-driven limousine.

Unable to speak further about the allegations, Fast has recently filed a lawsuit against SA:AN as well as Weazel News, Jonathan, and every scientist involved in the investigation into the meat being sold.


“It’s sick”, says Jonathan. “I discovered a nest of rats around the back of my workplace and my boss tells me it’s no big deal. I find skinned rat corpses in the freezer and I’m told to keep my mouth shut. But I stub a cigarette out on a counter and I’m fired? This guy’s priorities are as out of whack as his mental state.”


We advise all of you reading to go and look at the report on http://www.foodhealthsanandreas.com where they’ve written an indepth article on this issue and the dangers of eating possibly diseased rat meat. If you or someone you know has recently eaten at “Bite!” we strongly suggest visiting your doctor and requesting blood tests.

Remember to stay safe out there and only put something into your body if you know for sure what it contains. This is SA:AN signing off.


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